CONFIDENCE or confidence??????

Charles left for the Atlanta market this morning. He was waffling till the last second – needing to go but wishing he felt more passionate about the whole shopping for inventory experience. Daisy, Thurber, and I did our favorite Saturday morning thing – reading the Wall Street Journal. Well, I confess that, despite their intelligence, they really have not learned to read, but they do love Saturday morning and the slower pace…because it’s the only day of the week I go quite so slow. I love to read Peggy Noonan. She is an incredible writer even though I don’t always like what she has to say. She is not into Sarah Palin from what I read today. Bothered me a little.

Then I swept up the dog hair that seems to accumulate by the second. It is noon and I am in pure ecstasy – sitting with my computer, wearing my pajamas and talking to my dogs. Once upon a time, that was my total ambition. Then I learned that God is great at taking whatever minute morsel of your life you offer Him and working that Ephesians 3:20 formula – “the beyond all you ask , think, imagine or dream” – idea on your pitiful little don’t- expect- anything- special kind of life.

The Mississippi heat is stifling. I sadly confess that I spend at least thirty minutes of every day bemoaning the bad hair day that is a certainty in the Mississippi humidity. I can count on a run of bad hair days from now till mid October. Pitiful, I know. I confess, too that my guilty feelings are bigger than Dolly Parton’s hair – because I did promise God during my Breast Cancer experience that I would never ever complain about a bad hair day again. One more reason for me to recall grace and to remind myself we can’t ever expect to do “good” enough to earn a crumb’s worth of the “wonderful” He is forever doling out to us.

I am going to try ( key word…”try”) to be a really good steward of these two days without Charles. I am working on my book proposal praying someone besides my children and step-children who will receive copies as gifts will buy a copy. I am also hoping to do some real reading and thinking. Life does come at me fast and there are way too many hours of every day I spend in busy work that Uncle Sam requires or the sheer mechanics of business dictate. It is hard to keep up with my Jesus thoughts if my heart and soul are running on “empty.”

I have a constant laugh with several friends about the following. I guess I am pretty Southern tried and true – and tongue in cheek, I joke that I really thought I was meant to be a princess, but nobody but me ever got the memo. Well, what I guess I really mean by all that foolishness, is most of us girls yearn for SOMEBODY to take care of the unpleasant realities like bank accounts, financial statements, profit and loss information, and all those scary components of business. God is forever treating me like a Mama Eagle who nudges her babies out of the nest. He gives me challenges and then promises to supply my strength and my need. Just as he nudges me over the edge, and I close my eyes and panic, He swoops beneath my flailing arms to provide His safety net…just an incredible reminder that He has engraved my name on the palms of His hands and He is in charge…and I am thrilled because I do not want to be in charge of anything harder than putting the bread in the toaster tomorrow morning. I am glad He knows my address, my e-mail, and my cell phone number. Psalm 139 says, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where shall I flee from your presence?’ Whew…I like that whole idea. So glad He’s an always there God.

Follow Instructions or risk losing an eye!

I have never been good at reading instructions. It’s in my genes. My mother was the same way. It’s not due to our lack of intelligence as much as it is that we have always been afflicted with the “hurry” syndrome. If I had a dime for every disaster I have created by not reading the directions I would be a gazillionaire today. From baking bread to coloring my hair to programming a remote control and beyond….I have made some costly mistakes.

Two weeks ago I bought some new contact lens solutions that came with warnings all over the box. There were big red letters advising that not following directions could result in serious injury. Yea, yea, yea…I got it, or so I thought. I really did read the directions carefully on Monday night. No problem. My contacts were fine on Tuesday morning.
On Tuesday night I was late going to bed and I was really in a hurry and after all, I had followed the directions the first night – I was sure I could wing it. On Wednesday morning I popped in my right contact and burning pain exploded in my eye. It took about ten minutes to remove the offending lens. I tossed the lens and put a fresh one in. I also did not use the solution again, but it didn’t matter. The damage had been done.

On Friday I could not open my right eye. I’d rate the pain as a 10 on a 5 point scale! Abrasions on my cornea, fluid behind it. They tell me it will “probably” heal with time. So far, I am operating like the old Jim Backus cartoon character, Mr. Magoo. I have a different pair of glasses for every activity of the day.

This week it was computers. Two or three times in a row, I turned my computer off without shutting it down properly. It took the computer guru several hours to unravel that disaster.
The thought occurred to me this morning – well, actually that still small voice that speaks to my heart when I slow down and listen - reminded me that although the consequences of ignoring God’s instructions are not always as immediately painful as my latest bloopers, the damage to one’s life can be a whole lot more serious and the effect of our actions on those we love can be like ripples in a still pond moving out in bigger and bigger circles.
Here’s to doing better at reading AND following instructions.

“Listen to my instruction and be wise: Do not ignore it.” Proverbs 8:33

A Pink Inner Tube

One of our four-year-old granddaughters visited us last week. Swimming lessons were part of the agenda – I just have this thing about children learning to swim. I don’t think it should be optional.

Allie and I trudged to the pool every day for a week. Who would even recognize the little girl who was screaming loud enough to be heard in a three county radius on day one? She is jumping to us, going under water, and conquering her fears. She’s not “there” yet, but oh how far we have come and how much she has learned.

It amuses me that in her first efforts, she absolutely would not think about letting go of that pink inner tube. It was large…oh so large. It was deceptively safe to her not-yet-sea-worthy little arms. It was also a reminder to me of me!

We cling to our individual versions of the pink inner tube, seeking some misplaced confidence in things about as unreliable as this $5 device from Target. Oh, Lord, let us let that dumb pink thing go and let us lean on you!

Little Life Lessons

We have been running all over the place for the last two weeks. It is good to sit still today and kind of re-group. The June issue of the magazine will be out next weekend and it is one of my all time favorites. The theme is Father’s Day. I just don’t run short of ideas on that subject. I am still my daddy’s daughter and proud of it.

And in the realm of “males,” in general, we have been overwhelmed with three new grandbaby boys in the last six months. I try hard not to be too obnoxious with grandchildren pictures…but it is hard . Since a lot of our running around has been grandchildren lately, I couldn’t resist putting a few new pics up here for you.

Baby Henry who is the oldest of the new crop was born November 25, 2008 and he was christened just a week ago. He lives in Hernando and when you see pictures of him next to his three year-old big brother, Evan, at the same age, it is hard to tell who’s who. You can already tell by the way his eyes follow his brother that he is taking it all in and planning to challenge his brother in everything from the sandbox to the t-ball field and whatever else the future holds.
The pic of me and Baby Chase, who lives in Memphis, was taken at the Redbirds game that same weekend. It seemed that night, at least, that Chase will share a love for baseball with his grandfather who played baseball at (gasp) University of Alabama – let’s say a few short years ago. He looks like his grand dad – he has the same kind of eyes that smile along with the rest of him when he’s happy. I just love it.
Our youngest grandboy was born May 5 in Denver and I will be traveling to see him in about two weeks. He is Phillip Sutton Smith, son of Lem and Merrill. With two big sisters to boss him around, I have no doubt he will learn about women early on and will carve out his own strong identity in spite of all the mothering and arranging they will just be prone to do.

This note comes with news and no particular spiritual message except some hard earned words of wisdom. The time with our children is much too short even though there are days when we think this season of small children and never ending demands are eternal! There is absolutely nothing on the “to do” list that is more significant now or ever than what our children just picked up by watching us today!

A Thoroughbred Faith

Charles and I spent the weekend in Louisville, Kentucky. Yes, I know the Derby was the week before, but we had business this past week. So, we could not resist touring Churchill Downs. I have become much enamored with horses. Charles has loved horses his entire life, and I now know more than I ever thought I would care to know about thoroughbreds and the whole sport of horse racing.  I can tell you a lot about names like Seattle Slew, Secretariat, Barbaro, and I have seen the grave of Eight Belles. I know who Mine That Bird is, and I am pulling for him in the Preakness, because he seems to have no respect even after winning the Derby.

 

I could try to impress you with more names, but my friends read this blog, and they are already laughing at me. And maybe I should just mention we don’t bet on anything, but we just enjoy everything about the horses.

Seriously, I am amazed at certain things about thoroughbreds. I realize that God chose to compare us to sheep (the dumbest of animals…that’s easy for me to understand) instead of thoroughbreds. But I have to think that there is some encouraging redemptive analogy and even a spiritual lesson in the qualities we observe in both dogs and horses. They both tend to connect in a relational way to people – which I interpret as their understanding – although limited – of some being higher than themselves. They are incredibly loyal, forgiving, and unconditionally loving. 

Thoroughbreds, so I understand, come into the world high-strung, strong-willed, and wanting it their way. It takes a skilled trainer who sees their potential and loves them for what they can become, to patiently rein in their stubbornness, their strong will, and to ultimately win their loyalty and their passion to please. When these magnificent animals take to the track on race day, they are focused – it is no longer about having their way…it is about winning the race….and by this time, they know what the real race is all about. 

Kind of makes me stop and think. 

Susan Boyle

I am not a big American Idol watcher. Oh, I watch it sometimes, but I don’t arrange my evenings around it. I had certainly never heard of the British version until the YouTube videos of Susan Boyle made the rounds this past weekend. I can’t stop thinking about it. If you have somehow missed this new hero on the pop scene, just Google Britain’s Got Talent or Susan Boyle, and take time it all in – from the moment this unlikely hero struts out on stage till the end of a performance that brings tears as well as a standing ovation and thunderous – I’m talking thunderous applause.

There is an initial feeling that everyone in the audience is either snickering under their breath or feeling painfully embarrassed for this plump little middle-ager who wants to be a star. The cynicism melts and the spirit in the room is transformed the minute she launches into “I Dreamed a Dream” with her absolutely magnificent Broadway voice. Even the cocky Simon had the most awestruck and almost tender look on his face. There was something in Susan’s performance that surpassed entertainment.

Her authenticity and an “I’m comfortable with me” message was pure refreshment. She was…well…pure. I think she moved us past the razzle dazzle because somewhere inside each of our souls we all want to be authentic.

She volunteers at her church, takes care of her mother, and thinks she may or may not have a “makeover” simply because “I’m happy the way I am.” Oh, Susan, Never change. The world needs to hear from you!

Family, Food and Skinny Jeans

Charles and I spent Easter in Birmingham with daughters Betsy and Jill. They are part of our personal “flock” of shared children. In my this-is-not-the-life-I-signed-up-for life, the shared children and grandchildren have been a very wonderful gift.

I drove over to Birmingham on Thursday for my oncology appointment on Friday morning. I got a good report and do not have to go back for six months! I had a whole day with Betsy before Jill and Charles came on Saturday. My doctor’s appointment was three hours long and I text messaged her to apologize. We had lots planned for the day.

Betsy’s reply was, “That’s okay. The grocery store stays open till midnight.” I did find myself in Wal-mart way past my bedtime. Strange, but somehow I rose to my daughter’s expectation. She tends to think of me in decades ago context. She did, however, look down at my legs on Sunday morning and let me know that panty hose dated me. I told her, “No. Varicose veins date me.”
Enjoy these photos. Betsy and Jill are both great cooks. Even though I am not, I have my certain recipes that make me look like I can cook, too. I did my famous squash casserole and this potato casserole that I had almost forgotten I had till Betsy asked for it. Betsy grilled the pork tenderloin from Helen Defrance’s At Home Cafe cookbook and Jill baked the rolls from scratch and a to-die-for chocolate cake. We ate well.

As I did my part on Saturday morning and mixed, stirred, chopped, etc. I had to open the refrigerator a thousand times, and I became very aware of Betsy’s refrigerator magnets. I decided you can tell a lot about a person from their refrigerator magnets. She had quite a few and they all make me smile. This is my favorite:

Miracles Happen. Keep the Skinny Jeans.